![]() The second problem with decision making occurs when no decision gets made.īoth of these problems are solved if, before making a decision, the people involved decide how to decide. First, people may not understand how decisions are going to be made.Ģ. The end is dicey because if you aren’t careful about how you clarify the conclusion and decisions flowing from your Pool of Shared Meaning, you can run into violated expectations later on.ġ. The beginning is risky because you have to find a way to create safety or else things go awry. The two riskiest times in crucial conversations tend to be at the beginning and at the end. In fact, when people move from adding meaning to the pool to moving to action, it’s a prime time for new challenges to arise. They do a poor job of acting on the decisions they do make. They have unclear expectations about how decisions will be made.Ģ. For example, when teams or families meet and generate a host of ideas, they often fail to convert the ideas into action for two reasons:ġ. Having more meaning in the pool, even jointly owning it, doesn’t guarantee that we all agree on what we’re going to do with the meaning. Don’t turn differences into debates that lead to unhealthy relationships and bad results. When you do differ significantly,don’t suggest others are wrong. If others leave something out, agree where you do, then build. ![]() Now what?Īs you begin to share your views,remember: But what if you disagree? Some of the other person’s facts are wrong, and his or her stories are completely fouled up. If others continue to hold back, prime.Take your best guess at what they may be thinking and feeling. Increase safety by respectfully acknowledging the emotions people appear to be feeling.Īs others begin to share part of their story, restate what you’ve heard to show not just that you understand, but also that it’s safe for them to share what they’re thinking. Start by simply expressing interest in the other person’s views. Luckily, the tools work for both silence and violence games. These four skills are called power listening tools because they are best remembered with the acronym AMPP, Ask, Mirror, Paraphrase and Prime. To encourage others to share their paths, use four powerful listening tools that can help make it safe for other people to speak frankly. Start with an attitude of curiosity and patience. ![]() To encourage the free flow of meaning and help others leave silence or violence behind, explore their Paths toAction. Hold on to your belief merely soften your approach. Back off your harsh and conclusive language, not your belief. ![]() Realize that if you’re starting to feel indignant or if you can’t figure out why others don’t buy in, you need to recognize that you’re starting to enter dangerous territory. When this happens, when our emotions turn our ideas into a harsh and painful stream of thoughts, our honest passion kills the argument rather than supports it.Ĭatch yourself before you launch into a monologue. Instead, our thoughts shoot out of our mouths like water out of a raging fire hydrant. As our emotions kick in, our ideas no longer flow into the pool. When we believe strongly in a concept or a cause, our emotions kick in and we start trying to force our way onto others. Make it safe for others to express differing or even opposing views. State your story as a story, don’t disguise it as a fact. Start with the least controversial, most persuasive elements from your Path to Action.Įxplain what you’re beginning to conclude.Įncourage others to share both their facts and their stories. When you have a tough message to share,or when you are so convinced of your own rightness that you may push too hard,remember to STATE your path:
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